There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
