the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
