OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
