i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
