You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
