i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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