Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
