and you said cock pushups were impossible
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
