considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
