Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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