My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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