oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize