wrigley field is MILF paradise
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
