Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We got so high we made milksteak
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
