SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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