i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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