I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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