i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
