If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
