I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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