I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
