Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
