Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
