That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize