Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
