kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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