she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
