I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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