She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
