I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
