I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
