Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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