You work out of a Hotel?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
