Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
