Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize