im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
