ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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