yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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