dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
