He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
