he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
