this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
