I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
