Screwed.edu
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
