Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
