I think my fart just growled at me.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My balls are so social today.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i believe in u and ur pee
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
