Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
