i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
