Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
