I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
wow bdsm is so cute
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
