I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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