If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
