Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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