i barfeds in our rink
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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