I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
