I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
