Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
