I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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