we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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