Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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