just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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