so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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