You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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