Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
