You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
