Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
