Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
